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Irqle awoke before the fireplace, his hand was scratching, and when he looked down he saw that his hand was in fact a fork made of edible plastic. He took a bite out of it and chewed as he took a look around the room. It was an old victorian era study, with books all around the walls, the only door in the room was proven to be locked after thorough inspection from Irqle. There was a skylight in the ceiling, and the moonlight of the night shone on particular book on a small stool. Irqle approached it and read the title, 'Legends of the Ambient Vorpal Badger'. Irqle opened it and noted the strange book had no writing on it's pages, it did however contain a small ribbon to use as a bookmark, it was of unexpected length, several times his own length. Irqle had an idea, he threw the book up through the skylight, the book landed with a thud on the roof, he tested the ribbons strength, it seemed to hold. He proceeded to climb the ribbon.
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Continue the story please, please put non-story comments in gray format.  
 
then he died from shame of being in a stupid stroy

T E H E N D






RLY 
 
Speeds, you are a meanie, please do not ruin the story. Everyone please ignore speeds and his bad part of this most excellent story. 
So Much For That 
I kind of liked the sudden ending. Nothing else, just the ending. 
Well 
You could keep on going, with the guy coming back from the dead and devouring peoples brains... 
 
:( No one is any fun :(  
Voodoochopstiks 
If I cared I would write you the most wonderful story ever with unicorns and angels and rainbows and witches lol yes witches boo omg 
How About... 
...we don't, but we can still pretend we did. 
*ahem* 
Ambient Vorpal Badger

Goddamnit voo, you stole that from me - you should at least give me credit

>:{ 
I'm Sorry Kinn. 
I was planning to once the story picked up. czg, please write me that terribly scary story 
 
As Irqle finally reached the edge of the skylight, he hauled himself, exhausted because he was a terrible man, onto the roof and lay there gasping for air while appreciating the smile from the moon.
As he lay there he noticed a brilliant white light shining behind him, and then an angel came flying over him. Irqle followed the angel with his eyes, gasping at its masterful control of the cool night air. Mesmerized he lay as he watched the angel remove its robe and start to urinate on him. The angel's piss splashed and slooshed all over him, warm and with a delicious, tangy aroma, some of it went into his mouth and it tasted like white wine. Eventually, the angel finished up and continued on it's flight to the moon. Irqle was sad that the golden rain had stopped and decided to get up, because the piss was cooling off and making him cold. As he stood there on the roof of the mansion, he noticed a large smokestack off to his left, bellowing dark gray clouds of soot and bright yellow sparks from it's top.

Thinking it might be a good source of heat for drying off the angelpiss, he decided to go over there and have a look. He was making his way across the mushy leaves that lay piled up on the rooftop, when he noticed something moving near the smokestack. It was a unicorn! The magnificent beast looked at Irqle with dark, lustful eyes. Irqle reached out to touch the muzzle of the unicorn, and it sniffed at his tangy fingers. The unicorn licked them. It slobbered all over Irqle's fingers and hands, the tongue cleaning his cuticles, sucking, gently pulling on the fingers. The unicorn grunted slightly and moved a bit closer, sucking up Irqle's entire hand, tongue poking and prodding all over his palm, the man could not stand it for much longer, his eyes began rolling backward in their sockets, and then he slipped and fell off the roof.

He woke up in a bush of fragrant raspberries, and could hear the unicorn on the roof, whinnying and trotting around, lusting for more fingers. He was wondering if he could get back on to the roof of the mansion somehow, when he felt a dull prodding against his sides. Irqle quickly got out of the bush and turned to face a woman dressed in a brown sack loosly tied around her waist, her hideous, spongelike breasts flapping about in the wind, her hair the texture of dried grass and her legs hairy and disfigured. She glared at Irqle, smiling slightly, and with a quick, determined pull, removed the sack covering her nether regions.
Her gaping gash rumbled maliciously and before Irqle had a change to shield his eyes, a rainbow shot out of the witch's vagina and struck Irqle full force in the face.
Irqle's world was now solely a world of colors. Rapidly shifting, now red, now yellow, and then indigo again, it was a nauseating feeling to say the least. He was not sure he could take much more of it before going insane, when he suddenly heard a shrill screaming and the assault of gay colors subsided. Irqle could see the witch before him melting into a pool of soggy mammaries, eyeballs and cuntflaps, appearing to be covered in ... piss? His eyes quickly scanned the sky, and sure enough, another angel was zipping up his fly a dozen feet or so above. Irqle waved a silent salute to the angel who calmly ignored him and flew off before he decided he needed one more taste of heaven and got down on all fours where the witch was still melting in the golden fluids.

About an hour or so had passed when he got up, and looked around. A warm light shimmered between some trees in the distance, surely a nearby town or village. He decided to head over there and see if there was any chance of getting a night's rest, because the mansion behind him had been all rainbowed away, sadly the unicorn too.
He started walking briskly, and whistled a cheerful tune, a single thought stuck in his head all the way: 'Does my bum look big in this?' 
Czg 
stfu 
Czg 
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Czg 
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Czg 
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Vonbler 
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Vonbler 
stfu 
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