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Food Thread.

* Shambler is now known as Foodbler
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One or two pepsis a day. No coffe, no cigarettes. 
one bourbon.
one scotch.
one beeeerrrrr. 
0-2 pepsis a day, not really for caffeine purposes but more the 'refreshment' and to 'stay young'
I'll gladly drink any cola brand if it's available. But here are the favourites I lean towards

(In order of preference)

Jones Soda - Vanilla Cola
Jolt - Cola
Pepsi cola

I will also drink coffee if I'm somewhere that serves it and I believe it will be palatable with my meal. (Usually breakfast) but that is far from a regular event in my world. 
The Single Guy's Cookbook 
There is a popular misconception that all men are pigs, when the truth is that most of us are simply dogs: friendly enough, but often sloppy. This aspect of masculinity can reach a high level of non-refinement when focused on the kitchen. Although I'm a fairly steady proponent of nice, healthy unbreaded chicken breasts, fish fillets and steamed vegetables, I am not enough of a LIAR to claim that I have not engaged in some ghastly gourmandhood. I don't stick out a pinky when I drink my coffee and I don't give a damn about a festive spray of parsley and carrot slices over cottage cheese. No, I quiver like a retriever who has spotted the duck when you even SAY "pizza." Therefore, despite my diligent forays into healthy eating at least every OTHER day, there are those gooey lapses and if you say you don't have them too, why, Daddy SPANK, you lying scum.

Despite the title, I'm not EVEN serious about offering traditional Single Guys a cookbook. A large number of them are single with good reason, among them being that a cookbook is on their Top 5 list of things useful as shimmies for wobbly tables. No, its more of a mini-diary describing things I have seen practiced all too often and which decent people tend to avoid. Well, maybe not exactly decent, but at least those with more than a nodding acquaintance with hygiene.

If you think the following descriptions are funny, you either ARE one of these people and haven't a clue or you escaped from one and feel
light-hearted at the memory. Don't let your male children read this; unless you are really on the ball, they'll be emulating it soon enough and may already be well on their way, ugh.

Spaghetti al Dental
You're too lazy to really monitor the food as it cooks because you're wrapped up in some monster movie, so you forget to set the timer and dump the pasta out too soon. You might as well just wet it and eat it like popcorn, because this method leaves it so crunchy, it scrubs your teeth like a Milk-Bone. A great way to cut your gums or pop a filling, which is extra-pathetic, since you've seen that movie 3 times before. You also fail to leave the ready-made sauce in the microwave long enough, so it gives you the runs because it wasn't heated to a level that would kill off more than 12% of the nematodes. You blame the Mama Graballsi Company for its lousy product, but hey, its not THEIR fault you are brain-damaged.

Rack of Spam
You throw together anything resembling beef that's been lingering in the fridge for less than a month. This might include half a sausage patty and a piece of a Hot Pockets whose actual contents are hard to define because its become so dessicated. You sometimes throw in a little bit of old tuna casserole, figuring "What the hell, it's protein and the sauce will mask the fish." Sometimes its even true. You stir it with a paint scraper because the sink is full of most of the things a lazy single guy's sink is full of, including all but the one spoon you'll wipe on your shirt to eat with. Then you throw it all out because it tastes the way a semi-sane person would EXPECT it to taste. 
Single Guy's Cookbook, Pt. II 
Chili De Morte
Similar to Rack of Spam. Start with a can of commercial chili and use the cheapest one you can find. The thicker the orange shell of sheer grease on top when you open it, the better. The very idea that you would use real stew meat instead of cheap ground beast that's more pink than red and then add onions, tomatoes etc. in their fresh states is laughable. You pour in a fistful of salsa and maybe the leftover Mama Graballsi sauce you didn't squander on the Spaghetti al Dental.
You squirt several packets of Taco Bell sauce into it, as a rule. You usually crumble into it a whole package of Ritz Crackers or half a bag of half-stale Doritos and a bit of tabasco, if you are either feeling adventurous or are too stoned or zoned out to consider the possible aftermath. You squirt half a can of gooey cheese surrogate over it. If you are 5% more on the ball than usual, you also nuke some broccoli in a valiant but vain attempt to get some tangible nutrition into the glop, but more likely because the chili will cover the taste of vegetables, which as we all know, are horrible. You make an exception by adding several jalapeno peppers because you want to give it some zing.
You scarf down enough of it to serve 4 or 5 normal people and spend the next morning with your anus under a cold tap running at full blast because you are too stupid to remember the last time you did this same thing. Fire comes out of it like Gamera in full flight. You go to the store later that night and buy 5 more cans of chili. Repeat.

UnSalad with Lettuce
As mentioned, vegetables are awful, so your salad consists of as little lettuce as possible drowned in a creamy dressing, croutons, bacon bits and something resembling cheese sprinkled over the top. If a woman is present, you might grudgingly add some olives and carrot shavings to make it look legit, but won't eat tomatoes at all and see cucumbers as nature's dildo rather than a food source.

Breakfast of Crampions
Here's the rotating lineup: semi-hard donut or other utterly nutritionless pastry; generic corn flakes; suspect milk that's right on the verge of developing lumps; 3-day old EggaMuffin; a nearly black banana; and 3 gooshy red grapes.
If you are in a hurry, you sometimes pour orange juice and a "protein power drink" into the blender and fling some or all of these other ingredients in with it. A bug falls in but you decide it's too small to be a real threat to your health and may also have some protein in it. In either case, by 11 a.m., your innards are gurgling like tenement bathroom plumbing and you wonder if you have e-bola. You also win no points for reheating last night's Chili De Morte. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so by dinner time, you're not even trying anymore, are you? Here's a tip: Mylanta is not a beverage.

Popcorn Supreez
Since you ARE a lazy SOB and will throw most any sort of food down your gullet to avoid cooking for real, microwave popcorn is a major portion of your so-called cuisine. As you have the attention span of a gibbon, a bag of the stuff that calls for a maximum of 5 minutes on high to get full poppage often gets 50 because you just jabbed at the timer instead of setting it properly. Since you have never replaced the battery in your smoke alarm, the first time you notice your oversight is when the steenky black cloud of smoke interferes with your viewing of the TV. You also never replaced the fire extinguisher, so you put out the fire with a whole box of baking soda. For no reason either he nor God can discern, you keep pouring the blackened popcorn into the dog's bowl. Oh yeah, that'll work. Why do you think he keeps pissing on your chair and any clothing he can reach? Aren't you just the funnest little dickens?
The "Supreez" comes in when you get it right from time to time. The landlord and EPA keep fining you because your kitchen has to be steamed and scraped regularly. Mere mopping is pointless. Roaches call you by your first name because you decorate with pizza boxes and Burger King bags. Everyone else has to enter your digs wearing snowshoes to avoid the bulk of the filth. You once ordered a Russian bride through the mail, but when she saw your place, she mailed herself right back and hey, she LIKES popcorn. However, she and the dog agreed that you were hopeless.

Mystery Can
You come home so inebriated, you grab the first can you see and put it in the microwave for dinner. Sometimes you even open it first. The part of your brain that retained the term "hand grenade" and what it leads to died about a decade back, right after you ate the bad, bad chicken. It doesn't matter much whether its wax beans, chili or fruit cocktail, because its going to explode and start a fire regardless. You go through microwaves and roommates the same way Laura Bush goes through Xanax. Think I'm kidding? She's the one who gave George the pretzel. 
Single Guy's Cookbook, Pt. III 
Epiphany Stew
You stop eatin' that crap, get right with JAAAAY-sus and lose enough weight that you receive the pleasure of ironic cussing as you replace pants that became too loose. You start lookin' GOOOOD and people start catering to you unduly. The world becomes your vaporware oyster, you get a swelled head and start flipping those tacky 9/11 commemorative Freedom Tower silver coins to kids like you were hot stuff. Three of them gang up, push you in front of a bus, take all of the coins in your stupid pockets, then mount your head on a wall where you can never eat Chili De Morte again.

So, um... what's for dinner?

-Hellpope Huey

Actually, when I lived away from home, dinner was usually fried sliced spuds, fried cheap meat cuts, and steamed veggies. -FC 
Fat Controller 
Don't you ever think to write a "real" cook book instead of loosing your time with Quake/Doom3 mapping ?? 8D 
Less than 1 cup of coffee per week, 1 cup of green tea per week, and a couple of glasses of fizzy pop per week.

I really like coffee but I stay clear of caffeine as it's stimulant effect is quite noticable - I sometimes "use" it if needed. 
I Had 
Frosted Flakes for breakfast. I could have easily gone with some sort of mini-wheat variant for health reasons.

I'll keep you updated.

PS: No coffee this morning, as I tend to put in a fair amount of half-and-half, and too much milk this early upsets my tummy. 
Cereal Sucks IMO 
I prefer toast or croissants for breakfast. If I get up really early, a Full English is often just the ticket. 
I eat only rocks, all other food causes cancer. 
igneous or sedimentary? I'm partial to chalk myself. 
Chili De Morte 
I did that a lot in college. That and lots of Ramen (mmmmmm, Ramen).

Re: caffeine--I drink about 3-5 cans of diet soda and/or cups of tea a day. More often than not, it's caffeinated. 
Hmmm...after seeing some of these responses, my caffeine intake does seem rather high. Perhaps I need to find a healthier means of stimulation... 
Roasted chicken legs with potatoes. My sister is cooking, so it will probably suck. I intend to take advantage of my lack of coffee this morning and sneak in an extra cup during the day sometime.
I shall snack on something suitable (possibly suggary) if said lunch does not meet my demands. 
For me, it was a chunk of pork slapped between two floury baps, with a bit of mustard. 
fresh Summer squash, sliced into thin round wafers, bread it with flour, salt and pepper; place them flat in a pan. Slice an onion and place the rings over the squash. Take a stick of butter and cut up into several pieces and distribute evenly on top. Bake until crisp. Absolutely awesome.

Peanut Butter Cookies, take whatever recipe you may have for peanut butter cookies and substitute plain vanilla cake mix for the flour. You will need to at the very least half the sugar content of the normal recipe. 
I drink 32oz of coffee when I wake up, and usually have about 32oz of Coca Cola before the day is done. 
on average 2 bottles of diet coke/pepsi a day.
but no tea or coffee. 
Mission to score additional cup of coffee succeeded; No casualties. Sub-objective of chocolate snack: failure, but managed to maintain a peanut-butter/strawberry-stuff snack bar.

Dinner: Unknown. Possibly pork-chops, perhaps if no identified target then Burger King or pizza. 
Before work-snack:
Potato w/ bacon bits left over Campbell's soup. Still good when microwaved. Tuna-sammich to go with, make for a good combo. Mom will probably force me to eat some sort of vegetable. Anger grows. 
I Got Addicted To Caffiene After 11 Days 
Now I'm exceptionally tired whenever I'm away from it. 
Seems to have different effects on me. SOmetimes I'm hyper, sometimes it mellows me out. Other times it makes me really really sleepy. But, it always makes me happy. 
There Was This One Time 
Some smartass slipped extra chilli into an already hot pasta I was creating, way back when I was living away from home.

has one of two effects on me; first, it is an elixer that brings me back from the land of the dead in the morning. Any other time of the day, it is just mildly stimulating. I usually drink two to three cups a day. 
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